This about sums it up
A friend on facebook posted this so we can all laugh at our misfortunes. And then weep into our beer.
Calvin & Hobbes explains the economy
Apparently wordpress blows fucking chunks at posting a large image, so, here! have a link!
U.S. Americans in the Iraq
Ok, I’ve heard (and been told!) that it’s just insensitive and rude to say “Americans” when referring to people from the United States of America. Yet, I persist in doing this.
I will CONTINUE to persist in doing this until someone gives me an alternative!
I mean, yeah there are more countries in North America than the U.S. But I can call a Canadian a Canadian. I can call a Mexican a Mexican. What the fuck do I call someone from the U.S.? A United Statsian? According to Firefox spell check Statsian isn’t even a word.
Do I say “U.S. Americans?” I’d sound like freakin Miss North Carolina in the Teen U.S.A. thing. “I believe that U.S. Americans don’t have enough maps or words with which to describe themselves. . .” come on now.
Give me an alternative and I’ll use it! Until then, people in the United States will be referred to as Amerikunz in my idiolect.
My Christmas gift to any poor schmuck reading this drivel
A website which lists all of Darkwing Duck’s entrance lines!
and. . .
and. . .
always makes me laugh my butt off
Happy Holidays!
I am perpetuating the war on Christmas with my message of “have joy in whatever holiday you celebrate, including New Years, which is devilishly secular.”
I am a naughty, naughty heathen indeed.
I have proof there is no god
Thank you, Wikipedia. Truly, the existence of Folk Metal should be evidence enough for anyone sitting on the fence.
Arch Lists, not just for breakfast anymore!
On the best show in the world, The Venture Bros., the villains treat their villainy like a job and “arch” their enemies all the live long day. It’s fun to think about this concept and create lists of people/groups I would “arch” if given the chance. I asked my husband who he would arch, and he said “Christians and Republicans.” This I think is too large of a group. The last person to arch a group that large was GW Bush, except in his case it was 98% of the United States. Plus you have to consider if the person/group would be fun to have as your arch enemy. I would not be entertained by either of those groups.
It’s no fun to just list a bunch of people you hate–I certainly admire a lot of people on my arch list–it’s just also be fun to arch people you like, people you think it’d be hilarious if they had an arch enemy, or people you just think would be a fun challenge–like if you love the Colbert Report and decided to arch Stephen Colbert for the fun of it. I think Oprah would probably secretly have a ninja army and futuristic laser weaponry. Sarah Haskins would probably have a lot of witty quips to parry my villainous speeches. It’d be good times. I figure with them I’d have more of a Dr. Venture vs. Sgt. Hatred relationship (the villainy is just the job, man! It doesn’t have to be personal), and with, say, Nickleback, it’d be more of a Dr. Venture vs. the Monarch relationship (I will destroooy yoooou!! But they still always manage to get away!)
I also think it’d be no fun to arch some people you hate because they’d just use it as evidence that they are correct in having martyr complexes. That’s why I don’t have as many people who are wholly hamsterfuckin douchebrains on my list, like Rush Limbaugh, but I have people who are mostly shitballs, like Chris Matthews. (Who’s the “she-devil” now, hmm, Chris Matthews? Answer me that, while I have you tied up and hanging over a pit of alligators!) Tom Leykis and the University of Phoenix are wholly evil, but I couldn’t resist the idea of making them miserable. Some of these people are already arching various groups–like Scott Boras is arching all MLB owners, and Nickleback is arching my eardrums. That would be more like villain on villain action.
So, without further adieu, here is a list of some people/groups I would choose from to make my arch enemy if I were a Venture Bros.-style villain.
The University of Phoenix
Tom Leykis
the dad on Orange County Choppers
Nicholas Cage
The editor of Cosmopolitan magazine
The creator of “Lean Cuisine”
Sarah Haskins
Adam Sandler
The Pope
The Saudi royal family
Scott Boras
Joe Biden (give him something to do)
Chris Matthews
Seth McFarlane
Oprah
Prince Charles
Dora the Explorer
Nickleback
Texas
Zombie Aristotle
I’m sure I can come up with more, but this is a good start. I need to come up with a villain persona but I can’t think of anything good. And trust me, this is something I’ve thought about often.
Someone asked me at one point, “why the villain and not the good guy?” And I was just like, “question does not compute.”
Man, why not the villain?! They get cooler costumes and cooler technology. They all seem to have unlimited funding from somewhere, somewhere that’s often not explicitly stated. I mean I’m sure it seems a “good guy” would be harassing the creator of lean cuisine because he or she deserves it, but truly, it is a villainous thing to harass even the most annoying jerks who ever lived. As a good guy you only get to react to wrongdoing. As long as people are just going about their business, legally spouting off undead, annoying philosophical opinions or selling food that is overpriced and tastes like cardboard, you can’t do anything. Should Nicholas Cage one day decide to destroy Tokyo, sure, then a good guy/super hero could act. But just being a bad, mopey-looking actor? Only villainy can respond to this.
Ugh
I just feel right now like the U.S. government is just fleecing the everloving shit out of the American people. The Congress is either about as sharp as a sack of wet mice, or they are complicit in the fleecing. I just think there are a few dudes at the head of the banks receiving the bailout money who are pocketing it, and we’re not going to see a lick of change. Wages will continue to stagnate and even go down, and we’ll all be blanketed in the filthy, stinking woven-dried shit afghan of cronyism. It seems like no one gives a rat’s ass, and even the people who do give a rat’s ass can’t do shit about it. I just want to punch a cinder block in the face.
Jeez I’m in a bad mood. I need some cute overload.
LOL much better.
Here’s your gift: vroom vroom sucka!
I don’t get all these car commercials where someone gets a car for Christmas.
I mean, I understand these commercials are not meant to appeal to me. I realize people aren’t going to be like, “SURPRISE HONEY! A $500 a month car payment! Aren’t you thrilled?” This is for people with buttloads of money. People who can open their vault of coins they swim in and take a few solid gold bars to the Mercedes dealer and have their fleet of chauffeurs bring home the whole lot–people who can bring home a Lexus with a giant bow on top and be like, “surprise, honey! You won’t be driving that ratty old BMW anymore.”
It just seems like, if you had that much money, it’d be impossible for any present to mean anything anymore. I really doubt receiving a gift Lexus could possibly be better than your big wheel as a three year old because if you have so much money your partner can go pick up a Jag like it’s a loaf of bread, you could have bought it for yourself anyway, and you probably have three more somewhere. The guy wouldn’t be like “best gift ever!” He’d be like, “sweet, I’ll put it in my mega garage with all my other zillion dollar cars.”
I’m not sure how one could give a meaningful gift if they were filthy stinking rich. I imagine it’d be like, “hey I donated a million dollars to the ASPCA in your name!” or “I killed 100 mummies in a pyramid to bring you this golden amulet which grants eternal life to its wearer!” You’d have to get really creative about it. I’d probably opt for a ball pit room that leads to a bounce house room that leads to a giant indoor swimming pool with a trampoline in the middle–or a helicopter ride over the Grand Canyon.
I pretty much don’t see the point of expensive cars in general and I can’t imagine wetting myself over one. I’d see a $40,000 car as like, 4 trips to Hawaii with some friends I could have had. All I need is something that will get my ass from point A to point B and I’m happy. I guess I’m just a weirdo.
