After seeing that the only group of people geekier than I on the geek hierarchy are furries, I was contemplating what my fursona would be if I had one. It’d have to be some really weird animal. I would totally not be some sort of tiger lady. I’d be a whale or something. It’d be a little like this, I think:
Ha.
Ok I would not really be a furry. I suppose since my claim to ultimate geekdom is liking pokemon I should have a beedrill fursona or something (is that possible?) but no, I’m going to stick to being a plain old human fleshbag.
P.S. What the fuck is up with Mr. Krabs having a whale daughter?
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A friend of mine posted the geek hierarchy on a facebook posting, and I looked at it thinking, “hey I fall into a shitload of those categories!” But I also thought, “ah mah gawd, this is from BRUNCHING SHUTTLECOCKS!”
Oh I miss that website! I loved it loved it loved it as a fledgling geekling in high school.
Lore Sjöberg totally rocked my socks. I satiated all my movie-review needs with the Self-Made Critic. (This was before I discovered The Filthy Critic).
Here is a link to the geek hierarchy in its original home, Brunching Shuttlecocks, for your viewing pleasure.
I think the magnitude of my geekitude is demonstrated by the lowest category I fall into, “Pokemon fans over the age of 6.” Apparently that puts me on the same level as trekkies who marry in klingon garb, and people who write erotic Mary-Sue fanfics. At least I can still laugh at furries.
Everything on that website was just the funniest crap ever. I still occasionally read Lore’s other stuff (Lore Brand Comics are pretty dang funny), which is great, but is updated so infrequently if I look once every 2 years I have a good half an hour of entertainment. Oh well, gives me something to add to my links list.
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When I was in middle school or something, I saw the doctor for. . .some reason. I forget what. I’m guessing it’s the point where my periods were so incredibly painful they made me vomit and I had to get birth control. Anyway, I went to the doctor–maybe it was a nurse practitioner–whatever the fuck she was, and she decided this was a great time to give me a “talk about sex,” I guess to remind me in my state of 12 year old, befuddled, awkward-newly-pubescent geekishness that I shouldn’t decide that birth control was a free ride to penis town. Like I was going to anyway.
During this awkward talk, she said something like nuns who never have sex don’t get cervical cancer, and that women with multiple sex partners are more likely to get this sort of cancer. Abstinence abstinence rah rah rah! Penis equals cancer shish boom bah!
Now, being the geek that I was, I didn’t think, “wow, I guess I should only ever have sex with the person I marry so I don’t get CANCER!” My first thought was something along the lines of, “what the fuck? Are you trying to tell me that a cervix can tell the difference between different dicks? Like your vagina gets mad when dicks of different size cause it to expand differently and then it gives you cancer in a fit of pique to extract revenge upon you? I don’t believe this horse shit for one second.” I had a friend repeat the same thing to me later, and since I was only intimidated by the doctor and not her, I asked her that. “How does a vagina even know the difference between different dicks?” She didn’t know. I’m sure no one ever told that knew how a vagina could tell the difference, let alone how it got angry about it without having a working brain or emotions.
Of course, now I know the whole multiple partners things is about getting HPV and STDs and increasing risk of cervical cancer that way, but I wasn’t told that at the time. I was just told having sex with multiple partners will give you cancer. Man I wish I could go back to moments in time like that with my brain now and create awkward moments for people in the past. I could have asked all sorts of things, like, “what if I only have sex with women?” to cause chaos.
Fuck. Doctors should not be allowed to mislead you in order to convince you to only engage in sexual congress with one person, ever. I’m sure she said a whole lot more stuff I’d find incredibly offensive now a days, but as a 12 year old who just learned that a penis could go into a vagina a couple months earlier in the first place, I just clung to the one thing I thought was ridiculous and wanted to get the hell out of there.
If she had just explained the HPV thing I would have been like, “ohhhhh.” But I suppose that might give me wild ideas like, I could probably prevent that somehow and still have sex, especially if I only had sex with geeky virgins.
Whatever. Doctors who mislead teens and pre-teens so they don’t have sex are assholes.
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