An ivory tower that touches the moon

I freakin’ love this blog post about choosing to be fat.

I think everyone of all weights should really ponder this at least a little bit. I “choose” in the same way to be the weight I’m at. I probably eat more than many people much bigger than me and less than many people smaller than me, in an effort to satiate my desire for sustenance and maintain caloric intake for the purpose of remaining alive and having the energy to learn, but holy hell there is so much pressure for everyone not to be who they are.

I’ve decided recently that I want to eat more healthy foods, but I don’t want to hear  “you don’t need to lose weight” or other inquiries regarding how much weight I want to lose from anyone. I know it’s inevitable because I’ve gotten those inquiries before based on what I’ve ordered in restaurants, even if I just happen to feel like eating a salad that day. I guess back then I didn’t know what to say–but now I’m more prepared.

No, I’m not on a “diet,” I’m just trying to eat food that’s more nutritious. I still plan to eat until I’m satisfied, I don’t plan on feeling hungry and annoyed because I didn’t eat enough.

I got thinking about this a lot more after some people I know started a joint diet thing–and many of the people desiring to diet were taller than me and weighed less than me. I’m “normal” according to the BMI, for what that’s worth (not fucking much), yet that isn’t nearly good enough for anyone. It always takes me off guard a little bit when I realize pretty much everyone around me is striving to retain hunger pains no matter what they already weigh. I can’t imagine one could not be totally miserable and eating ~900 calories a day. There’s this “nothing tastes as good as thin feels” narrative, but I disagree. I’d say “nothing feels as good as actually having a damn ounce of energy once in a while,” or “nothing feels as good as perpetually dissapointing male law students who wish the school’s female population was the cast of Baywatch.” Hahaha fuck you dudes, every time I wake up and fail to put on mascara, I think of you and laugh. But I digress.

I don’t think anyone should view refraining from eating when one is hungry as an accomplishment. I wish people would not assume that everyone needs and wants to lose weight. I’m weirded out every time someone comments on my weight–I think I’ve mentioned this. I’m particularly annoyed when people say I look good or something for having lost weight, especially considering I haven’t lost an ounce in at least six or seven years.

I guess word to the wise for anyone who thinks you get to stop playing the game once you’re “BMI normal,” you don’t. For everyone who buys into the “you’re a trained seal who exists for the entertainment of others” idea, there will never be a point where it ends and you finally satisfy “them,” you know, the ubiquitious they who can’t mind their own business and care so much about how other people look. You can just keep getting thinner and thinner into perpetuity and everyone around you will be glad there’s less of you to take up space, but unless you get early osteoporosis and grow a fine fur, there will never be a point where it’s enough and you can finally stop. Well maybe that’s not true, one day when you are two dimensional and slip through a crack into the bowels of hell, your friends will take a good, deep breath and appreciate the extra oxygen they have.

I really need to think of something more happy to write, I freakin’ swear.