So, Kate Harding co-authored a book called “Lessons from the Fat-O-Sphere: Quit Dieting and Declare a Truce with Your Body.” It’s the subject of the top three posts on the blog so go there for more info and squeeing over its high spots on bookseller lists.
I didn’t want to clog up any of those celebratory threads by making fun of reviewers, though, so I’m doing it here.
I think the idea of people reviewing things they haven’t even read is totally hilarious and should be done everywhere. I think more people should flip through a couple of pages of a book and then go review it–or even better–just look at the title and assume its contents. In this case–said reviewers assume–from a few pages and the title, that “Lessons from the Fat-O-Sphere” is all about how we should all go bathe in pies to purposely get diabetes.
So, I’m going to go review “Lord of the Rings” and say, “is this book a joke? A book about rings? Rings are boring, stationary objects. This whole book is probably a scam contrived by DeBeers to get us to buy more blood diamonds. Do not read!”
And then I’m going to review “Walden Pond” and say “I picked up this book thinking it’d be about humor, but after reading a few pages I learned it really is about a guy who lived by a POND. So, apparently, living by a pond makes you an expert on ponds. Apparently the whole medical industry is wrong about how murky pond water is full of bacteria and parasites and is unhealthy to ingest. I could blog about organic chemistry but it doesn’t mean I actually KNOW anything about it. Living by a pond doesn’t make you an expert on ponds!”
Oh, and then I’ll review “The Seven Spirtual Laws of Success” and say, “look. I’m a law student, and I’m around a lot of lawyers. I can tell you right now not one of them would ever say there is any sort of ‘law of success.’ Don’t come crying to us when you try to sue in court to uphold this ‘law of success.’ Pffft.”
Then I’ll move onto other media. I’ll review a “Squirrel Nut Zippers” CD and say “who would want to hear a bunch of squirrels putting nuts into zippers? I sure wouldn’t. Is this a joke?”
I’ll review “Fried Green Tomatoes,” the movie, and say “I do not know how a cookbook got made into a movie, but how boring! Fried Green Tomatoes are gross, too. Why would anyone want to watch a movie about making a disgusting food? I’ve been around a lot of lawyers, and let me tell you, none of them would want to watch a movie about cooking.”
Sure, I won’t get many positive clicks for “was this review helpful to you?” But then again, being completely uninformed doesn’t stop anyone else from blasting their opinions everywhere like so much explosive diarrhea, so why should it stop me?
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Although Shakesville was not the first place I’ve heard of this total bullshit which is being bandied about, I’m linking the blog post because it’s what made me want to write about this myself. The Shakesville blog talks about why we SHOULD be purposefully selecting for diversity, and I think anyone who cannot understand that is either willfully obtuse and suffers from head up ass syndrome.
Aside from that, people always speak of supreme court nominations in fantasy land abstractions as if judges can just all be lined up around the circumference of the moon from worst to best, and whoever ends up in the front of the line should be chosen regardless of political affiliation.
Then, if you ask a person who says “the BEST QUALIFIED person should be chosen” what factors can go into that, choosing a justice for being a woman or a minority is so very very awful, choosing for political reasons is so very very awful. There must be objective criteria! To choose the BEST! Frankly, someone who thinks there has EVER in the history of this nation been a person nominated to the supreme court for some ethereal objective reasons having to do with some kind of superlative, awesome genius is so ignorant and dense he or she should just stop talking about it.
The worst part of this is any extremely qualified person who is nominated and happens to not be a white dude will be seen as having attained that position for “political reasons,” for “political correctness” (GASP!) rather than merit.
I’m saying this is fucking laughable because every fucking white dude on the court is there for fucking political reasons as well!
If anything, the most qualified person, if that distinction could hypothetically even be made, has obviously not always been chosen in the past or there would BE more diversity on the court. I cannot and do not believe the vast majority of intelligent, U.S. Supreme Court worthy justices have all been religious, heterosexual white dudes.
This kind of bullshit permeates society in so many ways, though. A female or black superhero is tokenism. If there’s a movie about a woman or a black person in a role generally only given to white dudes (action star, for example), it’s tokenism! To make a point! Oh yeah, Obama is tokenism too, or so the semi-illiterate rubes who make “voting for someone because he’s black is racism!” flair on facebook would have you believe. I’ve overheard one pocket of the white dudebro society of my school openly talk about how without “diversity” the quality of the students goes up. That’s the bottom fucking line, these people think all things considered, white guys ARE the upper echelon and allowing anyone else into the club is throwing a bone. A pity party!
I actually, you know, being a law student, read the opinions of various federal court members, and there are many male and female who are just as qualified as the other to become a Supreme Court member. There’s no magical person out there who shits golden opinions and is far and away so very obviously the best possible person for the job.
The opinion of disgusting, vomit-inducing Republican pundits, therefore, no matter what will be that any supreme court nominee who isn’t a white dude will not have gotten that position on the merits. No matter the brilliance, worthiness, or position in the circumference of the moon, that justice will be seen as an unworthy token.
Of course, “white guys won’t even be considered” is just a convenient excuse for believing there is no way said minority/woman could be on the court legitimately over white dudes, who are obviously superior and would always be in the front of that line, right?
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ll be eagerly waiting for the sun to go down so I can switch to hard licker and giggle at Maru the cat rather than thinking about the people I’d like to relocate to Mars.
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